There’s this girl in the library, she smiles at me just about every time I walk past the front desk. She’s pretty cute, but I’m too scared to ask for her number. Not to mention she’s on the clock, I don’t wanna be unprofessional. I worry that I also might not even be ready for a relationship, I’ve never even been in one. Not to mention I still feel like I’m recovering from being lead on for three years in highschool (I’m a freshman) and I would hate to assume that she’s interested just because I get smiled at, lol. Also, I want to be able to put my academics first. It feels like a constant tug of war on my whole body and mind. Should I wait? Part of me still feels like it’s too soon in the year, or that I should wait until I’m less busy; especially if the whole thing goes south, then I will have time to recover. But the other part wants someone to chill and laugh with. Any advice is appreciated :).
Sincerely, OrganicGarfield
Dear OrganicGarfield,
Seems like you’ve put a lot of thought into this, and that is always a good sign that you are a person that could handle a developing relationship. We are over halfway done with first semester, it is more than reasonable to start letting the heart want what it wants. I’ve seen plenty of freshmen get together during Passages week, so don’t worry if it’s too soon. If you feel settled into your experience at Puget Sound so far, then I say go for it. It’s good that you want to put your academics first, but you should not hesitate to act on a little crush! There’s rarely ever a “right” time in college, and there’s definitely never a time where you are less busy. You seem like the kind of person that likes to think through all of the possible options, but when it comes to navigating a crush or relationships, the possibility of it blowing up is unfortunately just part of it. Relationships can be scary, and yet, you must push past this notion in order for anything to happen between you two.
In terms of what to do, I always advocate for giving the other person your phone number, rather than asking for theirs. That way the ball is in their court to make a move, but they don’t feel pressured to make any decision in the moment. It’s nerve wracking to go up and talk to someone right off the bat, but I recommend trying to facilitate a little banter beforehand. Learning their name might be a good place to start. If you aren’t into that, maybe write a little note and put it in a book, acting as a bookmark and give it to them. You could address it to them straightforwardly, or say to the girl/boy/person with the _ attribute (long brown hair, glasses, etc). Make sure to write your name and something cute.
You CAN overcome the horrors of high school romance, I believe in you 100%. Good luck!
I have been keen on dating but also hesitant. Usually, I am shy on making the first move and am more reliant on the other person to do so.
Sincerely, Alumini
Dear Alumini,
Seems like you’re going pretty back and forth in terms of how you feel about dating. If you’re feeling hesitant about it, maybe don’t try to push yourself too hard to make things happen. I’ve seen people decide they are going to try dating, sign up for every app, go out all the time with randos and eventually burn themselves out. I would advise you to not do that. If you are not ready, maybe think through your hesitations, and figure out how you can get to a place where you may feel more ready. Do you have specific fears regarding relationships/commitment? Putting in the energy to decipher your feelings is always a good step in making any sort of progress. Work on understanding who you are, what you need, what you like and don’t like, what you’re looking for and your communication style. You can do this in your preferred avenue for self reflection, whether it be talking it out, journaling, meditating, etc. These are all important thoughts that will help you be more prepared for dating, and maybe even less hesitant about it. Though relationships don’t naturally tend to fall into your lap, you never know when someone will catch your eye, and presenting a version of yourself you feel confident in is a great way to start.
Many people are shy about making the first move, which is pretty standard because dating is scary! I once heard (probably from an Instagram reel) that dating is like riding a bike — it is all about balance and courage, you can topple over, but can get back up again. Each person you meet is another path to explore and learn about yourself. That’s pretty cheesy, but I think it applies in some ways here. You don’t need to have some grand gesture to make the first move. Work on getting to know them, and forming a natural comfortable relationship. If you like them, don’t hesitate to be friendly and show it a little.