Combat Zone

News Briefs

Ugly sweater party not a joke

What do you think Taylor meant when he said, “Thanks for inviting me to your party, sorry I forgot to dress up”? Boys are sooo weird! Whatever – let’s get back to what we were talking about before: what did you guys get for 16 across? I got “pineapple”.

Combat Zone writer graduates from West Point

Amid congratulations and handshakes, the humorist claims it started out as a joke, “But there is nothing funny about war… Aw, who am I kidding, our military is a joke.”

Interview: Stapler awarded honorary degree

CZ: congratulations, what do you plan to do now?

Stapler: Thank you. I am really hoping that this degree will allow me to pursue my dreams, outside of just stapling things.

CZ: Like what?

Stapler: I want to be a ballerina.

CZ: These pages are loose. Could you staple them for me?

LGBT fundraiser sells LGBLTs

“Delicious!” sandwich of acceptance and love.

LGBLTs contain:

Llama fat, goose liver, butter, lobster and turkish delight.

However, the LGBT club is entirely open to accomodating other preferences, as long as the ingredient starts with the right letters, so it’s still clever.