Combat Zone

Senioritis Epidemic: Puget Sound Rapidly Aging

By Molly Clement   In breaking (yet somehow not surprising) news, Dr. Doofenshmirtz, CEO of Doofenshmirtz Inc., is apparently real and has been hired as a visiting science professor at the University of Puget Sound to replace retiring professors. Thus far, he has set up his laboratory in the observatory on top of Thompson Hall, and is specifically working with President Crawford on an ultra-secret research project to boost the student body's GPA by the end of the academic year. In essence, Doofenshmirtz was hired to create an “Oldifyanator” to...
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