In response to the recent defeat of an armed attacker near campus, vigilante justice has begun to rapidly take over the Puget Sound community.
After years of complaining about security services’ incredibly late notifications, students have decided to take matters into their own hands. Security services has seen a massive reduction in the number of calls received a night, leaving them free to let locked-out freshmen back into their rooms.
No longer afraid of any kind of violence on the Tacoma streets, students are expanding their adventures all over Tacoma, almost looking for some trouble. They know we can handle it now.
“I thought the email security sent out was really inspiring,” sophomore Vivec Almalexia said. “It seems to me the key to surviving armed attacks is to go for their clothes.”
Almalexia is not the only one who has made this connection. After reading about how Puget Sound students managed to fend off an armed attacker and get several articles of his clothing left behind, a new strategy for self-defense has evolved. Now almost every morning is met with the scattered clothing of criminals on and around the University of Puget Sound campus.
“We don’t need gun laws,” freshman Sotha Sil argued, “we need the rest of the country to follow Puget Sound’s example. They can’t shoot you if they’re naked.”
The administration is already talking about removing the security light poles on campus, super excited about the opportunity to replace them with more grass. “They’re not needed anymore—Puget Sound students can handle themselves against a wide range of weapons,” said University spokeswoman T.H.E. Nevarine.
There’s even a new app being developed, so those students who are less keen on being vigilantes themselves can alert and summon their peers, should they need assistance. And you can bet they will get there before security.