Combat Zone

ON THE BEAT with campus security officer Terrence Flashkey


9:06 p.m.: Student called asking for admission to Thomson. Departed in abnormally tiny car to let him in.

9:14 p.m.: Tiny car slid on ice, crashed into bushes. I continued on foot, calling heroically, “Worry not, studious stranger!”

9:17 p.m.: Student appears to have found a way into the building. Gaze despondently up at stars wondering, “Why?”


6:55 a.m.: Heard a scary noise. I will check it out in a minute.

7:18 a.m.: Investigated noise. I fear I may have imagined it.

7:27 a.m.: Do you believe in ghosts?


5:14 a.m.: Sometimes I wonder if I’m a good cop or a bad cop. Other times I wonder if I’m even a cop.


11:23 a.m.: Bike reported stolen from campus. Student was very upset, unresponsive. “Think-do you have any enemies?” I asked him, “anyone who would want you to have to walk everywhere?” For some reason he starts telling me was that his bike was blue, as if that matters. I say to him, “Well, my t-shirt is black, that table is brown, but we’re not any closer to solving this case, are we?”


8:14 p.m.: Just realized my flashlight has 4 settings!

8:16 p.m.: Flashlight broken. Now only has one setting: strobe.

8:49 p.m.: Received request to investigate party at Harrington dorm. Entered room with flashlight, inadvertantly intiating dance party. For once, felt popular and socially accepted.

9:14 p.m.: Feeling of acceptance dissipated as I issued citations to all attendees…