Articles written by: LeSounden DeFury

Commencement Speech sneak-peek exclusive
Combat Zone

Commencement Speech sneak-peek exclusive

Below are excerpts from the speech to be given by the 2012 student Commencment speaker, James Godot. Be sure to catch all of it May 13 at Baker Memorial Stadium:   My fellow Loggers and families, Happy Commencement Day. It looks like the bad weather went away for the weekend […]

Driven to Distraction
Combat Zone

At least one person on a phone every effin’ moment of dinner

On Monday, over dinner with friends, junior Emmett Tillamook came to the realization that not a minute passed without one friend of his looking at a phone. The epiphany was followed a further feeling of disconnection with his fellow humans. The dinner, which occurred on the second story of the […]

Combat Zone

Love Attorney: A case of dictophilia

Dear Love Attorney, My husband and I are having some trouble with our sex talk. We’ve tried everything: robot voices, other languages, strings of four letter words interjected with ‘my’ and ‘your’. It all falls flat. The sex is fine, but smut talk just really turns me on. Can you […]

Combat Zone

An Apology from the Editor

Dear Puget Sound Community, Last week, the Combat Zone ran a satirical announcement about a bear-trapping trip from Puget Sound Outdoors (PSO), the school’s outdoor adventure organization. This week, I’ve received over 80 letters, texts, emails, tweets and HEY YOUs alerting me to the fact that the article was offensive […]

Love Attorney: Love of the Scythians
Combat Zone

Love Attorney: Love of the Scythians

Dear Love Attorney, Last week, after six months of dating, I found out my boyfriend was part horse. The top part is horse, not the bottom part, unfortunately. Things have been weird since then. I just feel like I can’t relate to him anymore. Even our favorite activities, like eating […]

Ask the Love Attorney: Spider-bitten by love (and a spider)
Combat Zone

Ask the Love Attorney: Spider-bitten by love (and a spider)

Dear Love Attorney, The other day I was bitten by a fiddleback spider. The how is not important. all you need to know is that the bite is painless and one of its symptoms is that 7 hours in, one starts hallucinating. Anyway, unaware of the spider bite, I went […]

“Corporate bailout” offsets University financial crisis
Combat Zone

“Corporate bailout” offsets University financial crisis

On Thursday, Puget Sound administrators confirmed rumors that the endowment has gone into the red, depleted by an effort to support sustainability on campus, one that ultimately proved unsustainable. The University of Puget Sound is out of money, but Ron Thom unveiled a plan to resurrect the school’s budget by […]

Confused immigrants arrive in Cancun, mistake it for America
Combat Zone

Confused immigrants arrive in Cancun, mistake it for America

It was reported last Tuesday that 196 Honduran immigrants recently arrived in Cancun, Mexico, having mistaken the raucus spring break location for the United States. The confusion occurred when the immigrants arrived to the city and only found Americans. “We had no idea what America was like,” one immigrant, Maria […]

Ask the Love Attorney
Combat Zone

Ask the Love Attorney

Dear Love Attorney, My psychoanalyst told me recently that I unconsciously want to sleep with my mother. Hearing this, I was quite surprised, because I never knew my mother and was raised by my dad. In that sense, my dad is both my mom and my dad. But my analyst […]

New lawn mowers to function as campus-wide alarm clocks
Combat Zone

New lawn mowers to function as campus-wide alarm clocks

Lawn mower Tim Henson made the statement Wednesday that he and other employees have been directed by the school to mow in the early hours to wake up sleeping students. “The early lawn mowing hours are carefully designed to improve student attendance,” he said. “We’re trying to annoy the drunk […]