Combat Zone

Tenure Board Investigated for Hazing Allegations

Earlier this week, a professor accused the University’s Tenure Review Board of hazing its incoming faculty members.  The scandal has evoked several strong responses from the general University population, as well as president Ronald Thomas. “It seems as though we were living with another Greek house without realizing it,” Thomas said earlier today.
One professor who agreed with the hazing said, “It really brings the department together and creates a stronger bond between colleagues. After all, it’s about putting the students first.”
Professors up for tenure were allegedly paddled with copies of their own dissertation, according to an English professor who wished to remain anonymous.
“It was so humiliating,” the professor said. “They would spank you and then make you read a page aloud. But I admit, I was kind of into it.”
For some faculty, that spanking can span 300 pages or more. The Review Board is now being forced by Thomas to foot the bill for several faculty members’ intensive therapy sessions as a result of the physical and emotional trauma experienced.
Another major concern in regard to hazing allegations involves potential alcohol abuse. It has been alleged that certain professors without tenure were denied alcohol while grading undergraduate research papers. “It’s so difficult,” an anonymous source said. “You just can’t understand how hard it is to grade papers without a strong drink in hand.”
According to the faculty source, the hazing events took place at midnight in the President’s Woods. Claims of cloaked figures in candlelight and Gregorian chants were also mentioned.
“Faculty hazing is more common that you might think,” Director of Greek life Moe Stephens said. “What is really happening here is that one group of individuals is trying to show their mental dominance over another group of individuals. It happens all the time between student organizations.”
Stephens also related to The Trail that at least one offending faculty member has been made to attend all Greek and off-campus social events as punishment.
“It’s kind of reverse social probation,” Stephens said. Along with the mandatory sentence, it’s speculated that several slaps-on-the-wrists will be given out in the coming weeks.