I have been chronically single for a couple years because I’ve been working on myself so I can be better in a relationship. Now that I’m actively looking I can’t seem to get over the hump of friends to lovers! It feels like telling someone you have a crush on them isn’t “adult” enough and I have no idea how to navigate serious relationships because I don’t have experience — it’s not like I’m not trying to put myself out there I’ve been trying to talk more to people I’m interested in but nothing ever goes anywhere :(
Sincerely, Peter Pan
Dear Peter Pan,
Seems like you are in a place where you’re ready to get the ball rolling dating-wise, and unfortunately, this college provides very few opportunities for potential prospects. But, if you’re crushing on friends, you have already completed the first challenge of finding an eligible someone from the Puget Sound dating pool!
Simply saying “I have a crush on you,” is definitely bold; I think a slower, more strategic way may help you get what you want. This doesn’t mean not showing that you’re interested at all. People looooveee confidence, and it’s important to showcase it. Try shifting the energy to be a little flirtier between you and your friend to plant the idea that you two could potentially be something more. A little brush of the arm, or well-placed joke in the conversation can really help. You could talk to them about how much you’ve been enjoying spending time with them, or casually suggest going somewhere off campus just the two of you. Their reaction may give you an insight into potential feelings they have for you. I would heavily think through this step, there is always a risk of unnaturally forcing a new dynamic between the two of you, which could lead to stress on the friendship you already have.
Worry about lack of experience is real–we’re in college and everyone is at a different place. Overall, I think you need to remember that a serious relationship is less about past experience and more about the connection you build with the right person. If they are right for you, you can take things slower, learn together and have open communication about where you both stand. Being honest and communicative about what you’re looking for is also very important. Be cool, be fun and don’t let past failures get you down; keep your head up and I’m sure the right relationship will come your way.
Can’t tell if this guy is playing me or is actually into me. He talks to SOO many girls and is always hanging out with them but then he’ll see me and act like he’s crazy into me. What do I do?
Sincerely, Possibly a Side Hoe
Dear Possibly a Side Hoe,
At this school, time can fly by in an instant; everyone is so busy! If you don’t have regular interactions with this guy, it can be really exciting to see someone who’s so into you. However, I would be very cautious pursuing anything in this situation. When the two of you interact, what is the dynamic like? Do you feel like you have put in a lot of effort into facilitating interactions? If you’re putting in more effort than the value you are getting out of it, get out right now.
It’s important that you know what you want because this guy seems like a player. If you feel like he’s playing you, chances are, he probably is. Now, I’m not saying that you need to cut off all contact, but this man will probably not give you anything that you want, and definitely not anything that you need. If you’re looking for a specific type of relationship, I would turn around and open your eyes to find someone else. If you reallllllly want to try to pursue something with him, let the gaggle of girls be your fair warning. Navigating a developing dynamic with someone you’re interested in is always nerve-wracking, but when eyes (pointing daggers) are on you, that makes it even harder. If you’re just trying to continue the banter you already have with this person to have a little fun flirt, why not? I wholeheartedly support that, but don’t let this column be your excuse to chase someone that probably won’t be worth it. If you really want him, make sure he wants you back to the same extent, but again, I would be careful.