By Gaby Lemieux
Hey, besties! I hope the sudden shift to biting winter winds has inspired you to don your cutest sweaters or even driven you into the arms of a fulfilling lover. This week I asked the campus community via Google poll what’s plaguing us when it comes to sex, and I will now attempt to offer some sound advice to unique concerns. My qualifications are my extreme horniness and perhaps even more extreme nosiness!
A community member wrote in, “In an exclusive relationship but part of me wants it to be open because it feels like a waste of my youthful sexiness not to be getting my back blown out.”
Aw, yes! This is a perennial question, isn’t it? Do exclusive relationships mean we are “missing out” on all the freerange hotties? An open relationship is fascinating and entirely feasible for some couples; the key is a solid foundation of communication. If there is a desire or curiosity about opening up your relationship, approach your partner with the intent first just to open a discussion, not to shame them or pressure them into a dynamic they won’t be comfortable with.
Is there something rich and challenging about monogamy worth exploring? There is just as much to learn in an exclusive relationship as with multiple partners. You can’t really go wrong. And don’t worry, dear writer, there is sex to be had when we are old and grey! Youthful sexiness is overrated. Flaps and wrinkles are fun.
Another community member writes, “I’m plagued: how do I balance needing sex and using people for sex. Because being used for sex is degrading unless it’s mutual and that’s the extent of the relationship. So, I don’t want to use others for sex but I’m also a horny bitch.”
Casual sex does not have to be uncaring! It is perfectly reasonable (and preferable!) to set a standard for basic mutual respect with your intimate partners, even if you are not pursuing a romantic or long-term relationship. My consistent advice will always be to practice clear communication and keep an open channel for feelings and needs that change over time. As long as everyone is on the same page, let’s use our glorious flesh vessels for ecstatic, consensual pleasure!
Finally, a senior wrote in with our trickiest situation yet: “Ok, so this is kinda crazy, but I have a big crush on one of my professors. We flirt all the time and I feel pretty certain that the crush is mutual. There have been several interactions in which sexual tension is palpable for the entire class and my fellow classmates have mentioned it to me. I know it’s probably bad, but I want to take it to the next level. What’s my play?”
This is a big, resounding nope! I always hesitate to offer inflexible advice, but this situation (assuming it is not a joke) is fairly serious. I would encourage you to approach our school’s counselors at the Counseling, Health, & Wellness Center, contact peer allies (firstname.lastname@example.org), or our Title IX Coordinator (email@example.com), and tell them about a relationship with a professor that feels overfamiliar, potentially even flirty. Our faculty code states that “intimate relationships (including romantic and sexual relationships) between a faculty member and a student violate acceptable standards of professional ethics as required by the Faculty Code, Chapter I, Part D, Section 4 and impair the role of teacher as defined in Chapter I, Part C, Section 2” (Appendix, Page 5). A relationship of this nature endangers the student and the teacher (primarily the student) and is simply not worth it! It’s not your fault, and you’ve done nothing wrong, but this is simply something that cannot be acted upon.
Thank you so much, writers! I hope the advice was sound, sexy, and salacious. Good luck out there, and we’ll see you next week!