The Happy Trail

The weak after Valentine’s Day

How to deal with the Abominable Sex-Cupid

Photo courtesy of Wikimedia Commons

It is time to accept that the Abominable Sex-Cupid is on campus. Some of you already know this and, while playing in the snow, were hit by a raging arrow. Others of you witnessed the mysterious effect of a powerful death drop at the lingerie party when wallflowers began to grind. Perhaps though, you were naive like me, and thought the Abominable Sex-Cupid was just a seasonal porno. The consensus around campus is that many people thought they would be immune to the Abominable Sex-Cupid’s charm, but were mistaken. Unless you are aromantic or already cuffed, I have some tips to stop your heart from getting frostbite.

First things first, don’t feel guilty when you get hit by that snowy bastard’s arrow.

If you are going to survive Valentine’s Week it is vital that you understand the Abominable Sex-Cupid has no method. One moment you think you’re completely into someone and then, wham! your heart is for someone else. This is natural, and the important thing is to practice empathic and open communication.

The people you move on from (jealous people) may try to tell you to check yourself! Of course it’s beneficial to check in with yourself every once in a while and make sure that you’re being the person you strive to be, but remember that you should not change yourself for anyone who’s trying to mold you.

Experts say that once you are struck by the arrow you should understand what you have to offer. What that means is you need to be able to be yourself with someone you’re going to have public dates with. Most of the time, life isn’t like the movie “Grease” — if you change yourself to be in a relationship, it probably won’t work out.

In order for the date to succeed, you need to know what self you are projecting and make sure it is an authentic you (don’t be fraudulent). What are your best qualities? What do you like to do with your time? What makes you uncomfortable? These are some of the questions you will need to answer before you’re ready to lock and load.

Lasting relationships require emotional investment. If you are in a place where you can offer time and energy to someone on a constant basis, that’s super chill and a great place to be — congratulations. However, be aware that constant personal investment comes with risk and energy, but being vulnerable and open is essential to stunt a stable relationship. So, before you say yes to hosting for the second weekend in a row, reflect on whether or not you are ready to invest yourself into this other person and give them energy that goes beyond a one night stand.

For me, what I want is something that changes with the wind. Some days I’m ready to have sex in a park, tomorrow I might just want to wake up to cuddles, then next week I might need space. Knowing what you want doesn’t mean deciding what you want for a month. The last thing you want is to continue hanging out with someone for a month who starts to give you a weird feeling every time you see them. So knowing what you want means continuously making some time for yourself to think about how you feel in that moment. Try not to care if your relationships do or don’t move the way other people think it should; it’s your business.

The most important skill to have is communication. Things don’t have to get messy when you communicate things people don’t want to hear. However, reportedly (at Puget Sound) it is true that many people are having to say, “No, I’m not interested” more than once to get the message across. Whether it’s in person or over text, telling people what they don’t want to hear means standing up for yourself. Standing up for yourself is essential for any relationship and impossible otherwise.

A tip that helps being honest with someone is to assume that that person has good intentions.

If you assume that someone cares about what you have to say, then you will be delivering the news in a more caring way.

A place where all of this advice comes together is the bedroom. Getting off while having sex means communicating that you want to, knowing you want to and also investing energy into someone else. If you are repeatedly getting with someone who isn’t making you come — no one is saying that you have to come to be having sex — then you may be putting yourself second. It is pretty great when you find someone that is easy to communicate with during sex and it makes for a healthy sex life. When you are having sex and your eyes are rolling for the right reasons only, y’all have good communication!

Valentine’s Week can be a rough time to be single — especially when the Abominable Sex-cupid is around. Take chances and talk to someone new, or maybe even someone healthy from your past. At the end of the day, the only thing that matters is that you are doing what you want to be doing while being who you want to be. The Abominable Sex-Cupid wants you to be happy being yourself and everyone on this campus looks like they should be.