Combat ZoneHighlights

EDM concert ‘meh’

This past Saturday, a member of the University—Shelley Sanders, a sophomore biology major—attended a rave for the first time in a spontaneous and impulsive decision.

Despite her predictions of an unforgettable night filled with neon lights and inspiringly loud electronic music, she was left less than satisfied. Unfortunately for Sanders, her disappointment garnered the ostentatious criticism of regular rave attendees.

“I didn’t see her post even one picture to Facebook or Instagram this weekend,” senior Jeff Coolley said.

Defying nearly five years of rave culture tradition, Sanders only took one picture during the entire event – and abstained from applying any filters or maximizing the saturation of the photo.

“It was a pretty good time,” Sanders said. “Not totally sure I’d do it again, but it was cool. The lights were nice in person.”

Even with her calm demeanor, the social mediasphere was abuzz with appalled reactions to her peculiar lack of engagement in all forms of social media. Many artists from the EDM scene expressed their dismay; while every other rave attendee posted a plethora of statuses to Facebook raving about the magical wonders of EDM artists and the unforgettable times they had, Sanders failed to conform.

Her critics labeled her as “primitive,” “anti-technology” and “a neanderthal.”

“She wore the worst outfit. It literally—like the thing she was wearing—covered her entire body. Up to her neck,” junior Lexie Benson said.

Indeed, Sanders lacked the appropriate brightly colored sports bra, bare midriff, fake animal fur or culturally appropriative Native American headdress with extra feathers. Sanders confirmed the outrageousness of her outfit, citing that perhaps her poor choice of dress was due to her desire for comfort, cultural sensitivity and her mostly sober mental state.

With growing concerns that she would never be able to attend an EDM concert again, Sanders proudly caved and uploaded her single photo to her social media format of choice: a classic Facebook post with the caption “Had a great time at EDM Electric Paradise World Festival 2014!!” Her post, however, remained devoid of any hashtags or emojis that suggested the immortality of her memory of the night.

“Her caption is awful, [too]. She didn’t even say she wanted to be taken back or that she loved everyone she went with,” Benson said. “Where does it say this was the best time of her life?”

Surprisingly, her lack of inclusion of such key statements reflected her actual feelings. Sanders reported that she did not, in fact, want to be taken back, nor did she find it the best time of her entire living history. So what was the best time?

“Probably my older sister’s wedding,” Sanders said. “She was the happiest I’d ever seen her, and it was a beautiful event. Just this past June, actually!”