Combat Zone

Ron Thom zombie rom-com bombs with moms

Last Tuesday the Mother’s Institution against Lewd Films (MILF) released a statement detailing their disapproval of a new film written and directed by University of Puget Sound President Ronald Thomas.

The currently untitled film, referred to only as the Untitled Ron Thom Zombie Rom-Com, is set in Vietnam and tells the story of Dom Bromstom, who is heartbroken to discover that he can’t go to prom with his boyfriend, Tom Jomjom, because Tom is moving away from Vietnam, and Dom, to live in Guam with his mom.

When a zombie virus starts spreading through Guam, Dom takes it upon himself to save Tom and make it back in time for prom. Hilarity ensues.

For more information on the film, be sure to visit the official website at www.RonThomZombieRomCom.Com.

“This film is ridiculously inappropriate for children. How it got a PG rating is beyond my comprehension,” Susan Knockers, head of MILF, said in her statement. “There is a scene in which [ed. note: SPOILER ALERT] the love interest has become a zombie, and goes on a child eating rampage through an orphanage, only to discover that he accidentally ate his long lost brother’s orphaned girlfriend.”

Knockers and the rest of MILF are worried that the violence portrayed in the film will have negative effects on any children to see it, and are trying to get its PG rating appealed.

MILF’s attempt to discourage people from viewing the film by protesting the free preview on campus last Friday has had very little effect on the campus community.

“I honestly had no interest in seeing this film,” a student at the premier said, “but when I heard that there were gonna be angry MILFs there, yelling and hopefully jumping around, there was no way I couldn’t go. Plus if there was something in the movie that was causing them to get this hot and bothered, I knew the movie must be awesome.”

When asked to comment on the uproar, President Thomas stood by his film.

“Do you really think a guy who wears a suit and a baseball cap at the same time and looks this awesome cares what people think about him? Hell no. I’m Ron Thom. I do what I want. I run this campus, literally. Look, I have been working on this film for 12 years now, and there is no way I’m going to let some MILFs ruin my life dream. Sure the film is a little risqué, but its nothing to get upset about. Once you look past all the sex, drugs, and violence, this is a beautiful coming of age story that teaches kids of all ages to fight for what they love, and more importantly how to kill zombies. BOOM. Headshot.”

It has yet to be seen if MILF’s attempts to halt all future showings of the Untitled Ron Thom Zombie Rom-Com will be successful, but President Thomas has no intentions on slowing down.

“I’m going for the big prize, obviously. If a film about a stuttering British guy can win an Oscar, there is no way I can’t beat a few students to win first prize at the Puget Sound Foolish Pleasures student film festival.”

He continued, “After that? The world is my clam. I am currently working on my next script, currently titled Sean and Ron: Gone at Dawn. It’s a semi-autobiographical adventure film about famous actor Sean Penn, to be played by me, and me, probably played by someone like Denzel Washington or Sean Penn, that chronicles our journey around the world using our brain and brawn to try to open the world’s most famous hair salon, in exotic locations such as Milan, Bhutan and Iran.”