Articles written by: Oedipus Tex

Rival watch: PLU welcomes Tonald Rhombus as new president
Combat Zone

Rival watch: PLU welcomes Tonald Rhombus as new president

Crosstown rivals: New PLU president Tonald Rhombus (above) eagerly jots down the beginnings of his ‘master plan’ to sabotage the University of Puget Sound. Rhombus regularly orders Psych Megawa (below), the Dean of Students, to prank-call Puget Sound and make cruel, hurtful jokes. Right before he hangs up he always yells, “psych!”.

In a move to go green, Cupid switches from arrows to “bitch slaps”
Combat Zone

In a move to go green, Cupid switches from arrows to “bitch slaps”

As the costs and hazards of arrow production continue to climb, few were surprised when Cupid announced Monday that he would begin making the switch to the cleaner, and more environmentally friendly, “bitch slap.” Public response has been fairly positive so far, although early reports suggest that the cherub can […]

Arsenic microbe prefers Cheetos, beer
Combat Zone / Highlights

Arsenic microbe prefers Cheetos, beer

When asked what he ate before Cheetos were invented, the microbe replied: “I think of the day Cheetos were invented as the day I was truly born. They are dangerously cheesy.” He sounded drunk.

Combat Zone

Democrats aim to replace gay ban with gay band

After Senate Republicans on Tuesday blocked the legislation that would have repealed the “don’t ask, don’t tell” law in the military, Democrats are now scrambling to introduce a new bill which they hope will be met with greater success. “The idea of lifting the gay ban was unpopular with the […]