The Happy Trail

Debunking bedroom blunders

You’re getting hot and heavy. The moment feels just right, and you don’t want anything to come in and wreck it. Unfortunately, the chances are any time you get intimate with someone, it won’t go exactly the way you planned out in your head. A million things can happen that might burst your sexy-bubble: hair in the mouth, queefing, head-bumping, clothing getting stuck and unexpected visitors are just a few possible mishaps. Luckily, there are a handful of ways to get The Mood back and to even avoid “losing” it in the first place.

Knocking Heads: You bobbed, she weaved. Now you’re more focused on rubbing your head than on rubbing each other. Rather than halting your makeout sesh completely to tend to your respective wounds, use this as an opportunity to lay hands on your partner in a different intimate way. If you rub your partner’s head or even kiss his or her boo-boo, it can lighten the mood and even bring you closer together. Try kissing their head, then trailing your kisses down their cheek to their mouth to seamlessly switch back into gettin’ it on.

Stuck Clothing: The clothes are coming off … or maybe not. Skinny jeans are notorious for hindering the chance to bone, but there are ways to slide around those pesky pants. Usually, the frustration of trying to get clothes off comes because a person is trying to undress themselves (or someone else) too quickly. Slow down! Sometimes it’s better to do something correctly than quickly. Slowing down will help you appreciate the “moment” even more than if it just whizzed by.

Penetration itself usually requires that the pants come off, but other pesky articles of clothing like button down shirts or corsets can be equally time consuming. For taking tops off, slowing down can be incredibly sexy, but other times leaving it on can create a really harried and passionate mood. Especially for quickies, sometimes leaving clothes on can be the better choice.

Queefing: PFFFT! Queefs can be kind of embarrassing, but if you can’t laugh at yourself when you’re having sex, maybe you shouldn’t be having it. There’s a reason they call it “fooling around.” Queefs are the result of air trapped in the vagina making its way out, but there are a few things that need to occur before queefs can happen.

First, a woman’s vagina dilates when she’s turned on, making it possible for air to make its way into her. Second, the contractions that occur when she’s getting close to coming can force the air out resulting in that farting sound. If you hear a queef, the chances are that you’re having really good sex.

Penetration of the penis or fingers can also displace trapped air, but I assure you this is a good thing. Trapped air in a vagina being penetrated can cause the woman discomfort because of the excess pressure, and a queef is the vagina making room for whatever is doing the penetrating. In a way, queefs are your body’s way of helping—and reminding you to enjoy yourself!

Hair-in-the-Mouth: If you’re mackin’ and your partner’s long, luscious locks get stuck in your mouth, don’t let it ruin the moment! A hair tie is the obvious choice, but rummaging around for one might halt the action even more than just dealing with it. One option is to gently run your fingers through your partner’s hair and hold it out of the way while you kiss. This can be incredibly intimate and stimulating for your partner. Or, if sweet and soft isn’t your style, you can comb the hair out of the way and then gently tug. Be aware of your partner’s reaction to this, though, because not all people get turned on by having their hair pulled.

There is an infinite array of things that might go “wrong” during sex, but in the end  the best way to handle unexpected surprises is to keep things lighthearted. Having confidence in yourself and not taking yourself too seriously will make any “blunder” that comes your way just another thing that makes that sexual encounter unique. Some things can’t be avoided (like accidentally coming into your partner’s eye) but getting embarrassed is more likely to kill the mood than any other outside force.