As the University of Puget Sound celebrates its 125th year, we here at The Trail have this opportunity to look over the history of University of Puget Sound (or The Puget Sound University as it was known from 1890 to 1903, the College of Puget Sound as it was known from 1914 to 1960, the Make-Believe-Harvard-of-the-West-When-Stanford-Isn’t-Looking University as it will be know from 2014 to 2025 and the University of Phoenix Online, Tacoma Annex, as it will be known from 2025, until the return of Galactic Overlord Xenu in 2134). What follows is an excerpt from the very first bulletin the school published in 1889.
REL101 Christianity: Course provides a brief overview of the history of early Christianity, its subsequent perversion by the dirty Papists, its reform by the anti-Semite Martin Luther, and the foundation of Methodism by the all-around good guys John Wesley and George Whitefield.
REL202 Methodism: A discussion-based course of the pure virtue of the Methodist life. Discussion topics include the sins of alcohol consumption, dancing, wearing tight-fitting clothing and keeping the company of Irish.
REL303 The Dirty Heathen Religions: INSTRUCTOR PERMISSION REQUIRED. Class provides an overview and absolute refutation of Hinduism, Buddism, Islam, the various animists of the Americas and Africa, Zorastorianism, Ba’hai, Anglicanism, Deism and secularism. Students must be of profound moral rectitude and unwavering ideological consistency.
POLITICS 204 The Virtue of Unchecked American Expansion Overseas: The more uncivilized masses to whom the U.S. spreads its civilizing light, the more they love us. Class discusses technical and coercive techniques.
PHYSICS 202: The Wonders of Asbestos!
BIO 310: How God Made Evolution Look Convincing to Test Us.
ENG 101: A Survery of the Contemporary Literature of the Underclasses: Mark Twain.
HIST 304: The Opium Dens of the Orient, the Harems of Persia and the Alcoholics of the Russian Steppe.
