A new hero has been patrolling the mean street of Tacoma, dealing out his own brand of justice, foiling a recent string of Taco Bell robberies.
“Don’t know what to do about it,” Chief of Police O’Hanigan McFlattery Sullivan said. “First of all, it’s pretty bizzare someone would make a point of only robbing Taco Bells since they all have time lock safes. Even if you were successful you’d only make it out with $40.”
“And secondly,” Sullivan continued, “why would a vigilante focus only on protecting Taco Bells? Do you know how many murders there have been since these started? 20.”
Taco Time has issued a plea for help, having suffered losses totalling $0.000080 million. “Please TacoMan—we’re just as inauthentic and also have ‘Taco’ in our name! We are just as deserving!”
Our reporters speculate this is due to Taco Time moving out of the 6 Ave. church.
