It’s hard to read the newspaper these days. Between the catastrophic tragedy in Japan and increasing violence and political unrest in the East, the news can be a highly upsetting reality check.
Perhaps this is why the media is so affixed on Charlie Sheen.
To resign oneself entirely to pessimism, fear or apathy is a tragedy in itself, in addition to the catastrophes which humanity faces today.
And so, it’s particularly important during times like these to indulge in the ridiculous or humorous, in addition to staying up-to-date with world affairs and doing all we can to support those who suffer around the globe.
Thus, with no further ado, I present a comprehensive guide to your favorite tiger-blooded warlock, Charlie Sheen.
A brief bio: Sheen, age 45, was born Carlos Irwin Estevez in New York City. The actor, who now resides in Los Angeles, has been featured in over 50 movies, spanning from 1974 to the present, and is best known for his work in television as the star of CBS’s Two and a Half Men. He has been married three times, has five children and is currently divorced.
A rundown of Sheen’s antics within the past year, and particularly the past few weeks, includes the following (but unless you’ve been shunning all things media, you already know this): rehab, strippers, arrest, numerous bizarre media appearances, purported possession and ingestion of tiger blood, dismissal from his near decade of work on Two and a Half Men, waving a machete from a rooftop, an overuse of the words “warlock,” “troll,” and “winning,” female companions coined “goddesses” and lots and lots of cocaine.
These things are all hilarious to varying degrees, but wait. It gets better. What the average Sheen appreciator may not know is that he’s going on tour.
While Sheen is neither musician nor stand-up comedian nor possesses any truly tour-worthy skills, the ex-actor (for he has no current projects) is touring in the month of April across the U.S.
The tour, officially titled “Charlie Sheen LIVE: My Violent Torpedo of Truth/Defeat is Not An Option” shockingly sold out its preliminary dates in minutes. More dates were added, bringing the total to 21.
The tour is advertised thus: “Will you ask questions? Will you laugh? Will you scream? Will you know the truth? WILL THERE BE MORE?!?! This IS where you will hear the REAL story from the Warlock. Bring it. I dare you to keep up with me” and is for mature audiences 18+.
Sheen will be directly profiting from 85 percent of the proceeds.
While it’s not known what exactly the show will entail, an unidentified source claims, “There will be a lot of scripted material, plus videos, interactive audience material, the whole range of things that play off Charlie’s strengths. There will be light and dark moments. People will not be disappointed.”
For only $750, the show includes a meet-and-greet with the actor himself and other Sheentastic bonuses.