By Orlando Quezada
‘Let’s Talk’ is a bi-monthly column where The Happy Trail discusses topics relating to sexuality, interpersonal relationships and destigmatization. Although we are not licensed professionals, we do our due diligence researching and being informed on these topics. For the first entry in this series, we will be talking about consent. In providing this dialogue, we also hope to offer tangible resources and support that can be found on and off campus.
Defined by the Own The Awk, a site supported by the National Coalition for Sexual Health that helps navigate conversations around boundaries and relationships, consent is defined as “asking your partner–every step of the way–if what you’re doing sexually is wanted and pleasurable. It should be a two-way street where both people are giving and getting consent.”
There are numerous ways to navigate conversations around consent. Asking for consent doesn’t just belong in sexual intimacy. It can come from any decision-making that asks you to advocate for your own agency and bodily autonomy. According to Planned Parenthood, engaging in sexual activity should always be met by, first and foremost, sexual consent. To recognize these components is the acronym FRIES. First, freely given means no pressure. Everyone involved should feel free to decline without any fear of consequence. Second, reversible, which holds space to change your mind, Third, informed, where clear boundaries are established, as well as creating awareness of what is expected to take place. This also marks the perfect time to inform each other on STI-history, protection methods and clear understanding. Fourth, enthusiastic, when confidence in consent is established. Non-verbal cues such as body language can display whether or not enthusiasm is felt. Lastly, specific, which is a good place to acknowledge that consent has been established in every action. It shouldn’t always be assumed, which is where specific plays a vital role in re-establishing and connecting about present and future interactions.
An important note added to this conversation is that consent cannot be given while under the influence of substances. This also pertains to consent not being given while unconscious or incapacitated. This also goes for long-term relationships.
It’s important to recognize initiatives that take place not only to support students, but to educate them on ways to navigate sexual assault. The center for student support, located at 3219 N. 13th St., runs two programs related to healthy sexuality and support by school staff and students. One of the programs is known as BRAVe (Bystander Revolution Against Violence).
“BRAVe is really focused on prevention education. Doing the programming, talking about consent, talking about these really important topics, and helping create a culture of prevention on campus.” said Sonya Dauncey, the assistant director of the center for student support. She continued to describe the center’s other program. “Then on the flip side, we have our Peer Allies who are there to support, if or when something happens, that students have support from a peer. They’re trained specifically to listen, believe, and provide resources for survivors of sexual violence or for those who are supporting survivors of sexual violence.”
The BRAVe program helps to establish dialogue surrounding consent and conducts outreach to organizations on campus, such as Greek life. The program specifically hopes to help those struggling to navigate a conversation surrounding consent themselves. “I’ve always thought of consent, sort of like a fire drill. Like when you practice it enough it becomes muscle memory, right? So that repetition is actually an effective part of that education. It’s another reason why BRAVe’s presence is particularly important on a college campus,” said Alyssa Chung (‘28), who has worked for the BRAVe program over the past year.
When educating around the language of consent, it also becomes important to recognize that not everyone has grown up in environments that cultivate that dialogue. “I’m kind of reminding myself of that every day. Not everyone has the same awareness on these things,” stated Evie Russel (‘30), a new BRAVe program facilitator. “So, like a young woman who doesn’t know what that’s like, explicitly saying no. She might not know something that happened to her was bad. It also doesn’t have to be gender specific.”
With the support given to students behind these programs, Dauncey stresses the importance of confidentiality versus privilege in terms of resources students may be seeking. “The difference between confidential and privileged is that privileged has a license or professional standards to have an additional higher level of confidentiality.” When it comes to cases of sexual assault, CHWS counselors and the chaplaincy hold those levels of higher, lawful protections. The Title IX office, headed by coordinator Amy Gauthier, helps students in reporting incidents as well as understanding their rights. While not entirely confidential, the Support Center still remains a place to give students a sense of direction. With Peer Allies, students are able to access support that helps them navigate necessary action.
“I think a big problem with people struggling with sexual assault in general is this culture of ‘I can deal with it by myself.’ It’s not. I think that when you go to your community it’s going to help you a lot more. It’s going to help your community a lot more, too,” said Russel.
“It’s so scary, but you’re not alone,” said Chung.“The point of BRAVe is to tell people that and to show people, not just tell them. That’s a good message, that survivors aren’t alone and that it is okay to talk about these things. It’s okay to be afraid. But there will be people there on the other side of it willing to help you through.”
Exploring sexual intimacy or relationships in general requires a level of vulnerability. By bringing up consent, it helps to establish safety. It’s a conversation that reminds a person of their agency. There is every right to decline invitations as much as the right to accept. If you or someone you know is a victim of sexual assault, or needs more information, please don’t hesitate to reach out to the Center for Student Support studentsupport@pugetsound.edu, as well as support from CHWS and the Title IX office.