Combat Zone

Gals go out and they look great!

By Lee L. Benbow

Last Friday, something was in the air on the campus of the University of Suget Pound. Not only was it a full moon, but Catlyn, Kateline and Keightlynn hit the town looking great. It was the end of a long hard week and the girls really needed this. Just as luck would have it, Keightlynn’s lab partner’s second cousin was having a kickback!

The gals had a feeling even before they left that it was going to be a fun night. “I just knew when I laced up my new white Converse that it was gonna be one of the times that I look back on and smile,” Catlyn said. The kickback was a perfect mix of people they might sit in front of in class and possible connections. “One of my absolute favorite sayings is ‘there are no strangers, only potential new friends,’” Caitlyn said, “and I feel like the mix of people there could maybe someday be the people I say hi to in passing.”

“I was soooooo relieved when I arrived and Greg from sociology wasn’t there,” Kateline said. (Anyone who is anyone knows that Greg ghosted Kateline after they got coffee one time.)

Of course, the night was not as effortless as Catlyn’s social media made it look. “We spent three days making our outfits match without being the annoying girls who, like, match” said Catlyn. “But, like, all the work really paid off when I got my most likes ever on the Insta from that night,” Kateline said. “It’s just a shame that Bryan wasn’t there to see how good I am without them in my life. I hope the 300-second Snap story I posted really showed them what they are missing.” When asked about the prep work, besides picking out outfits, Kateline pulled up a 24-page Google doc of proposed Instagram post captions. “We wanted to find just the right vibe, without too many emojis, but still hashtagged, funny and cute!” Catlyn said.

“It’s just too bad Caitliyne couldn’t be there, it was her mom’s 50+ birthday and she was in Olympia,” Keightlynn said. The Flail reached out to Caitliyne to see how the FOMO (fear of missing out) was affecting her. “Yeah, I’m not gonna lie, it was really hard to miss what quite possibly might have been the best night of my college experience, but I’m working through it. I’ve contacted CHWS and we have a meeting set up two months from now,” Caitliyne said.

Although the events of the night are important, the real noteworthy spectacle was how good the gals looked — like, they looked so good. Even Kaeightlin commented a heart-eye emoji on their insta posts, “and she, like, never comments on anyone’s posts,” Keightlynn said. The Flail conducted a survey at the Fraternity Chai Kappa Omega-3 to see just how good the gals looked. 45 percent of members said they looked great, 35 percent said they looked better than usual, and 25 percent said they looked better than Kateeeeeline, “which is really saying something ever since Kateeeeline got her neck brace off,” an anonymous member of  Chai Kappa Omega-3 added. But the frat boys weren’t the only ones to notice. “I literally got compliments from everyone. I mean, like, girls from sorority Phe Phi Pho Phum complimented me, girls from chemistry complimented me, and Chad even sent me a Snap that next day that said, ‘what’s up.’ Like, my look last night — that’s what’s up,” Catlyn said.

At this point, The Flail was starting to suspect that there was not a negative second on that blessed night. We inquired about this and Keightlynn’s face fell. “At one point, some ignorant and stupid person asked who invited us, and, like, who we knew here. Like, what? Obviously my lab partner’s second cousin. And they were like, ‘who?’ and we were like, ‘you know who.’ And they had the audacity to ask us to leave, but, like, at that point we wanted to leave. The party was more dead than the fern I tried to grow freshman year.”
Only time will tell the next time a night like this will occur — maybe next year, maybe never again. We can only hope the stars will align for Catlyn, Kateline and Keightlynn soon for the sake of Instagram and journalism.