Combat Zone

Confused immigrants arrive in Cancun, mistake it for America

It was reported last Tuesday that 196 Honduran immigrants recently arrived in Cancun, Mexico, having mistaken the raucus spring break location for the United States. The confusion occurred when the immigrants arrived to the city and only found Americans.

“We had no idea what America was like,” one immigrant, Maria Humberto admitted. “We got here, we saw a giant statue in the water and we said this must be it.” Unfortunately, the statue they mistook as a sign of liberty was a pile of beer bottles recently dumped into the ocean, reaching over 150 feet in height.

Humberto, knowing little English, relied on her observations to assert if she was in America.

“When we got of the boat we found rich people constantly drinking, smoking, disrespecting the indigenous, making fools of themselves, engaging in reckless sex, and we knew this had to be America!”

Almost all of them believed they were in New York, the city that never sleeps, because the fat bass lines from clubs kept them from sleeping since their arrival.

“Yes, we were all very tired,” continued Humberto, “but I didn’t need to sleep when I thought I was living the American dream!”

Each spring break the U.S. loses nearly 150 immigrants to such mistakes, but this year the number increased by nearly 50. US officials have neglected to address the conclusion, likely grateful for the dummy, of sorts, that Cancun has become.

The ghost of Gary Coleman, who has become an immigration spokesman since his death in 2010, outlined the issue. “The problem lies in the fact that these immigrants lack representation from any government,” he said.  “Honduras generally refuses responsibility, Mexico is unhelpful in attempting to deport these individuals, and the U. S. has proven over and over again it does not care about people who don’t have giant oil reserves.”

The Honduran immigrants are slowly waking to the fact they do not live in America, now that there has been a lull in spring break activity.

Immigrant families, disturbed by the realities they face, have requested aid from both the U. S. and United Nations, forgetting they’re one and the same. They are slowly realizing no help is coming.

In this desperation, many of the immigrants refuse to accept they never made it to the United States.

One younger immigrant said, “My father Ernesto still believes we’re in America. He simply expresses amazement that Americans are so fluent in Spanish.”

Those like Maria Humberto can only rest their hopes on additional outside help. It seems that for now, they may have to forge their new lives in Cancun, Mexico, until everyone sobers up enough to help.