Combat Zone

Exclusive: Grizz speaks out about affair with Trump

By Lee L. Benbow

Earlier this week, The University of Puget Sound’s mascot, Grizz, joined the list of names that have come out with details of affairs with current president Donald Trump. Grizz, being the loyal Logger he is, sat down with The Flail to give us his side of the story. Trump has yet to tweet about the story, but Grizz assumes it is just a matter of time.

The affair lasted six weeks and began in the fall of 2017 when Trump visited campus to personally call out Flail writer Hons Johnson. Once Trump had finished the scuffle with Johnson, he attended a football game where he was taken aback by the talent and confidence of Grizz. “He said that I reminded him of Putin, with how brave I was. And he appreciated my moxie,” Grizz said. “We would go on to have dinner at the Cellar once and talk for a couple weeks after.” When The Flail asked Grizz if Trump broke his heart, he became very busy polishing his ax and looking off into the distance.

Beyond the affair’s implications for Grizz’s heart, there are larger effects on the University. Rumors of personalized tax cuts or Trump as a possible commencement speaker have swirled around campus with no verifications to date. It is unlikely that Trump will revisit campus, as the brief fling is completely over, but Grizz said, “It ended mutually, and I wish him the best.” According to Grizz, Trump’s son Barron still needs to attend college and perhaps this connection will give the University of Puget Sound a leg up in competition for where he will attend.

The Flail contacted Trump via Twitter direct messages for a comment on the story, but received only a swift block. However, Grizz was able to shed more light on his time with the POTUS. “When we went to the Cellar, he bought 15 tubs of plain pringles and ordered a pizza with all the pepperoni they had on it. It was a very large pizza and I thought that it was a weird order, but decided not to comment.” When asked about the nature of the fling, Grizz slyly replied that he does not “collude and tell.” What a tease. Despite leaving out many facts, Grizz managed to spill that “Trump also ordered for me at the cellar, getting a Frank Cilantro smoothie and an uncooked single serving of Annie’s Mac and Cheese. I didn’t know what to do because he is the commander in chief so I crunched on the hard noodles and sampled the plain cheese powder.”

When Grizz first came to The Flail with his story, we were astonished because Grizz is usually a pretty low-key guy who keeps to himself. As it unraveled, however, it just made sense. Nevertheless, Trump and Grizz as a couple were here for a good time, not a long time. The Flail wishes First Lady Melania Trump the best as the news breaks and spreads. Trump has still avoided commenting directly on this relationship, but did mention that Joe Biden would fight worse “than a D-3 liberal arts school’s mascot.” This may have been directed at our dear Grizz but no clear tie has been drawn yet.

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