By Lee L. Benbow
Valentine’s Day is infamous as day of showing romance through buying items in the United States. Guys and gals all over the puge will be receiving roses, smartwool socks, and red hydroflasks. For those of you who are single this year for February 14 here are the four types of guys that you could get to know and possibly date so you don’t end up alone next year.
- Granola Man
This man honestly believes that stir peanut butter is better than normal peanut butter and was raised wearing Tevas and socks unironically. He will invite you to go climbing as a first date and never ghost you, as it is against his morals. This relationship will probably end in the early to mid-fall as PSO trips begin to occupy his weekends, and kayak or geology club take his weeknights. Still a good guy though, 7/10 would recommend.
- The Guy who thinks a D3 sport is important
This dude still uses the term bruh and means it. He will invite you to a local function, but want to keep things on the down low till he’s really sure you’re worth sacrificing Saturdays with #theboys. Despite being strong on the field, that talent doesn’t directly translate to relationships. You will most likely be severely irritated with him through the term of the relationship, #yolo. He has a lot of clout and concussions. 4/7 would recommend.
- Lensless frames underground band man
Despite all claiming to be different, this group of males are a dime a dozen. They will all have a different favorite zine and indie band, but they won’t expect you to understand it so it doesn’t matter if you know the difference or not. This homie will most definitely ghost you. Catch him in a flannel, blue jeans, white converse and some non-prescription warby parkers. He’s gonna tell you his clothes are thrifted, but they are most definitely from Urban Outfitters. Tune into his KUPS show at 3 a.m. on Tuesdays for an hour of ambient noises and rhetorical questions. 4/7 would recommend
- The guy who kinda dresses like a dad.
This man could not be less fit for fatherhood. His longboard is a really cool and efficient way to get around, until you realize he never learned how to drive. His major is undecided and his bed is unmade. You will start off thinking he is a nifty free spirit, but slowly realize that his lack of ambition does not mean he’s just figuring it out, but rather that he has nothing figured out and is hoping his backwards hat will hide a slowly receding hairline. Catch him retaking Psych 101 for the third time and sleeping through his 8 a.m. Honestly 10/10 would recommend.
- The Lumberjack
Nobody can hate on the hottest all male a capella group, with their sweet tunes and somewhat matching looks. Many men will try to steal their #classic puge aesthetic, butbuffalo plaid and graphic-tee; for every real lumberjack, there are 15 imposters. 11/10 would recommend