Halloween Special: A history of campus hauntings
The Curse of the Ancient Cleveland Indians Fan Burial Ground
Date: August-September, 1888
Location: All across campus
Descryption: The university is known to have been built over an ancient Cleveland Indians fan burial ground, but the founders kept this a secret. The cover-up was undone during the first week of classes when voices, seeming to come from underground, were heard calling out to the material world things like: “What the hell? Did I break into da Rock’n’Roll Hall’a’Fame and pass out again?” and “We ain’t dead! Let us out! At least tell us if dey actually traded Rocky Colavito!” The voices ceased mysteriously after a couple of weeks, perhaps because the Cleveland fans were not really dead when the school was built on top of them.
The 411 on 311
Date: January-March, 1923
Location: Jones 311
Descryption: In December of 1922, a junior and the head of the Jewish Student Union Ethel Rosenblatt was distraught over the fact that she had no Christmas-like holiday to celebrate in the approaching holiday season, and she committed suicide in Jones 311. She killed herself by swallowing seven cups of chunky peanut butter at once, while simultaneously overdosing on .22 caliber bullets. The following January, pieces of chalk would levitate during classes and mysteriously draw intricate symbols, which upon close inspection were advertisements for Heinemann’s Non-Alcoholic Whiskey. Also, a hot wind that smelt of garlic would blow through room 311, even though Billy Stetson’s big yapper was shut. After 2 months of said paranormal activities, the school chaplain attempted to exercise Ethel’s spirit. At the mention of exercise, the incredibly obese spirit of Ethel jumped out the window and the hauntings ceased.
The Ghost of President’s Past
Date: July 16th, 2003
Location: The bedroom of the President’s house.
Descryption: On the first night of 13th President of Puget Sound, Ronald Thomas’s, stay at the presidential residence he was visited by the ghost of former president Philip Phibbs. Ron Thom claims that he awoke in the middle of the night to the vision of a translucent Dr. Phibbs placing his hand in a glass of warm water. The specter then warned the president to “never wear a bow tie with a plaid-shirt, it’s much too loud”. After this premonition, the ghost sang a one-man a cappella version of Beethoven’s 5th symphony, which was Phibb’s cat’s favorite piece of music.
The Baker Stadium Specter-Tators
Date: September 30th, 1980—Present day
Location: Baker Football Stadium
Descryption: At a football game against the Tacoma Pee-Wee League champions, the entire Logger section of Baker Stadium turned into ghosts. This is proven by the fact that everyone in the home section began yelling “BOO!” at the top of their immaterial lungs when Tacoma Pee-Wee scored another touchdown, for a 77-3 lead over Logger football. The “BOO”-ing continues to this day, although it has lost its frightening edge and now sounds retired and despairing.
The Man Who Was Horace
Date: October 23rd, 2008—
November 8th, 2008
Location: The SUB
Descryption: Two years ago, there were frequent sightings of the spirit of a freshman with blond hair and a Volcom sweater. This particular spirit stood outside the Student Union Building at night and would ask all passersby, in a quivering other-worldly voice, “Where’s the party at?” Puget Sound Professor of English and Paranormal Studies Tom Wozzeck was baffled by the spirit’s presence and came up with the theory that it was the ghost of a boy who had been murdered by the school and grounded up into the lasagna at the vegetarian station. Wozzeck’s theory turned out to be false when it was revealed that the ghost was nothing more than a very much alive, albeit very pale freshman with a larynx disorder named Horace Boobington. Boobington transferred after the semester, claiming he “would’ve gotten away with it too, if it weren’t for those pesky kids and the fact that nobody knew where the party was at”.
The Printer Poltergeist
Date: Spring 1992 – Present day
Location: Collins Memorial Library learning commons
Descryption: A senior entered Collins Memorial Library with the intention of printing her thesis, but the printer had a paper jam. While she might have usually let it slide, she was printing her thesis, and her patience ran out. She reached her hands into the mouth of the printer, screeching “Let me graduate already!” She was sucked into the printer whole, never to be seen again. That is, until this summer, when Technology Services finally updated its printer software. Its most disturbing glitch occurs when students “release” their job and find the printer churning out a 46-page thesis, dated Spring 1992, in place of their document. On one there was even scratched a hand-written note: “Turn this in for me. I NEED TO GRADUATE.”