Combat Zone

Last-standing New Year’s Resolution Finally Abandoned, Truths Revealed

On Jan. 1, people across the world pledge to make a substantial change in their lives during the coming year. A recent survey has revealed that with the second month of 2015 ending, the final “New Year’s resolution” has been abandoned. During the early years of this tradition, scientists began to realize that these resolutions were rarely sustained for the entire year. They came upon this discovery by monitoring actual change in society: if people were to stick with their reforms, scientists had predicted that within 20 years all of...
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School over-waters grass; sticks it to Californians

As California’s drought worsens, Puget Sound has decided to take action in response to the severity of the environmental disaster. Unfortunately for California, the University has decided to gloat their abundance of the precious resource, instead of instituting any beneficial measures toward conservation. Students may have noticed the first step in the school’s boasting began with the abuse of the sprinkler system-- often irrigating the lawns while it is already raining in order to display their dominance over California. Most believe the source of this behavior stems from the large...
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Seahawks 12th man ban continues

On October 12 the Seattle Seahawks fans were removed from play by head referee John Turfel after the Seahawks scored in the third quarter and their behavior became uncontrollable. It took two and a half hours to remove all Seahawks fans from the stadium, but the game eventually resumed. “It felt like a scrimmage, there was only a handful Cowboys fans who stuck around, and it was dead silent” starting quarterback, Russell Wilson, said, “I’ll admit it was very relaxing not being yelled at for two and a half hours...
Combat Zone

Quad rivalry comes to a head

Tensions between North and South Quad appear to be at an all-time high, particularly since the failed attempt of North Quad to launch multiple Frisbees at South Quad residents on Oct. 14. Fortunately, due to the failure of the attack, South Quad has declared it will not launch a counterattack. Up until this attack, many students did not believe that North Quad even possessed Frisbees. It was suspected to be a bluff posed by the revered RA who resides in North Quad. The RA has been known to fabricate stories...
Combat Zone

CD outside radio station a bummer

While walking by CUPS, a member of The Flail staff obtained a handful of CDs from the box outside of the station. Not surprisingly, they were all a complete waste of plastic and aluminum. A particular “album” that stood out among the filth was titled Last Picked For Kickball by a “band” who call themselves Cacophony. The band call their personalized genre “Indie/Pop/SpokenWord” which consists of heavy bass, out-of-tune vocals and a lack of any musical knowledge. The opening track “Love Me, Dad” is an ear-shattering combination of spastic cymbals,...
Combat Zone

Vegans victimized by Dining Services

  Recently, dining services cut out some vegan options, namely the dough used in The Cellar’s pizza. A sign was erected next to the cash register in an attempt to raise student awareness about this wrongdoing. “I’m a vegan,” a Cellar employee said, “I won’t change that, and I deserve the same opportunities that a non-vegan is given. If I want pizza, why can’t I have it too?” Many assumed the issue had come from a lack of funding, but were outraged to find out the truth behind the cutbacks...