Combat Zone

As California’s drought worsens, Puget Sound has decided to take action in response to the severity of the environmental disaster. Unfortunately for California, the University has decided to gloat their abundance of the precious resource, instead of instituting any beneficial measures toward conservation. Students may have noticed the first step in the school’s boasting began with the abuse of the sprinkler system-- often irrigating the lawns while it is already raining in order to display their dominance over California. Most believe the source of this behavior stems from the large...

For the past few weeks, our school has been on the brink of utter annihilation. We have been in a dark time, without hope to guide us on. We almost had a movement that had emerged from the shadows to lead us to the light (it was basically the work of a modern day Jesus TBH #blessed). We had finally discovered the movement that could save us, and it was called WannaWaffle UPS. It would have been a waffle delivery service operated out of a student’s dorm. I know, great...

This past Tuesday, college radio station first-year DJ, DJ J.D., boldly played a Billboard Top 1000 song during his radio show. Much to his surprise, the DJ community swiftly cancelled his show and excused him from the station. “It was an abomination,” sophomore DJ Barely Barley said. “That song is trash, utter trash. Doesn’t he read any music blogs?” In a statement from DJ J.D., he reported never having been on SoundCloud and did not have even one music blog bookmarked on his computer. “I really like that song, actually,”...

First-year student Richie Basehart is Puget Sound’s newest Big Man on Campus (BMOC). “I have all the friends I could ever want,” Basehart said. He added, mock-blushing, “and all the ladies too.” “I’ve never been this popular,” he continued. Basehart described himself as friendly, charming, attractive and funny. “I already won the genetic lottery physically, but it’s my personality that really attracts people,” he said. “I always tell people, ‘If you had my personality and your looks, it’d be a slam dunk!’ And that’s a compliment!” Basehart owns a dependable,...

Today’s article is brought to you by Scooby Doo. Scooby Doo: If Something F***ed Up Is Happening, It’s Probably An Old White Man Trying to Make Money. Speaking of old men who are using white privilege to further control the country, the ever-fun midterm elections have ended. For all those who may not know, the midterm elections are a very clear reminder of how outstanding our representative democracy is. At least for the people that really matter: rich, old white men. Yes these outstanding citizens are the ones that truly...

It’s almost that time again. No, I’m not talking about when we get such a weird fascination with Pumpkin Spice Lattes (that would be a shallow topic). No, it’s time for you to dress up for Halloween! Yes, now is the time to see who has the money to spend on exorbitantly priced costumes and to secretly judge them behind their back. Understandably, there won’t be many interesting costumes save one student’s this year. Against all odds, one student is going to be dressing up as something truly creative. Resembling...

On October 12 the Seattle Seahawks fans were removed from play by head referee John Turfel after the Seahawks scored in the third quarter and their behavior became uncontrollable. It took two and a half hours to remove all Seahawks fans from the stadium, but the game eventually resumed. “It felt like a scrimmage, there was only a handful Cowboys fans who stuck around, and it was dead silent” starting quarterback, Russell Wilson, said, “I’ll admit it was very relaxing not being yelled at for two and a half hours...

In honor of Halloween, I sat down with That Girl from That Horror Movie on Netflix to talk about fashion, real estate and online shopping. Q: You had just moved into your house in this quiet suburban neighborhood when weird things started happening. Tell me about that. A: Well, the house was great at first. High ceilings, wet bar in the dining room, someone had died in it a couple months before— Q: Someone had died in it? A: Yeah. I don’t know. We didn’t think it was a big...

The top high-school Frisbee player has committed to the University of Puget Sound club Frisbee team. The new recruit is named Max Peanut-butter.  Peanut-butter is a purebred American Fox Hound. His father has won many North American Gun Dog competitions, while Peanut-butter’s mother won the National Dog Show presented by Purina in 2006. “The dog has literally been bred to play Frisbee,” Tanner Smith said. “Max’s parents are some of the finest dogs in North America and the world.” Smith is a dog breeder located in Manchester, Kentucky. Peanut-butter was...