Talking Dirty

The Happy Trail

By Emma Holmes

Talking dirty in bed can be like singing in front of an audience: it’s oddly intimate, you’re sweating profusely and imagining everyone in their underwear does not actually help. However, with some deep breaths, lots of communication and a little exploration, you can muster an applause-worthy performance.
Firstly, let’s establish the line between role-playing and talking dirty. In role-playing, you’ve communicated with your partner about a certain scenario or adopted persona. Essentially, you’re pretending to be someone you’re not in a safe environment, to expand your sexual horizon.
Dirty  talking, on the other hand, is communicating what’s happening (or what you want to happen) in the moment; it’s uninhibited requests and exclamations. Dirty talking can reinforce consent, build suspense and spice up foreplay. If you’ve ever said something akin to, “Oh, that feels so good,” then you’ve already started dirty talking. Congratulations! If you want to build on your skill-set, read on for some tips and tricks.

Step One
Chill out. Imperfection is sexy. The first step to talking dirty, like to almost anything, is to understand that you will mess up. You’ll mumble or sneeze or say something you saw in your first R-rated movie. If you can move beyond the fear that those things will happen, then you’ll ditch inhibition and relax (physically and mentally) into the sexual experience.

 Step Two
The next step to talking dirty is, quite literally, self-explanatory. Moan, laugh, speak and emote; basically, start talking! Let your partner know what you’re experiencing. Use your sight, touch, taste and smell to express your pleasure. One common misconception about dirty talk is that it should be tailored to your partner. Don’t take away from both your experiences by feeling pressure to perform. If you’re not experiencing moan-worthy pleasure, then direct or compliment your partner. “I love it when you touch me there,” or “you look so hot right now” can go a long way towards making both of you more comfortable (and more turned on).
Step Three
Finally, as you grow more comfortable with your partner (and yourself), don’t shy away from exploring what’s sexy for you. If talking dirty crosses into role-play (“I want you to pretend to be fixing the door”), or into bondage (“I want you to tie me up”), then that’s great. If it feels weird to talk more than necessary (establishing consent) during sex, then leave it alone! There’s no right or wrong way to have sex, as long as all parties are continuously and enthusiastically on board.
Talking dirty comes down to letting your partner know you’re genuinely enjoying yourself. It’s erotic because its uninhibited, raw and authentic. Dirty talk doesn’t need to be serious, either; feel free to laugh, smile and tease. You’re sexiest when you’re comfortable and confident. Everyone deserves to have as much or as little safe, consensual sex as they want, so release those judgements and flex those SAT adjectives you never use.

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