Mark Zuckerberg: “The internet is just a fad.”
Combat Zone — By Violet Danger on February 18, 2011 6:00 AMThe Internet is so over.
You may now group it among some of the most awesome things in the world: bacon, robots, peeing after holding it in for a really long time, showing old people how to do something on a computer, laughing with strangers at other strangers getting hurt, ten billion dollars, etc. but I wouldn’t get too attached if I were you. Yeah, the internet is over like floppy disks, VHS/DVD combo machines, hipsters, Glee and a clean, healthy environment.
For confused commoners out there, allow me to explain: the Internet is a victim of what is known as the Hanson-Jonas Theorem.
The theorem, named after the family bands Hanson and The Jonas Brothers, states that “a cultural phenomenon is only popular until a more annoying and even stupider phenomenon breaks into the pop culture mainstream.”
Cassettes and CDs, Dracula and Twilight, World of Warcraft and kissing girls; all examples of things affected by the Hanson-Jonas Theorem.
According to this theorem the Internet is most likely to be outdated sometime in the next five years, and trust me, I would know considering that I practically invented it.
Before I created Facebook and put this whole Internet thing on the map, I was just a 20-something loser. Then I created Facebook for two reasons: to change the world and get laid (and let me tell you, “relationship status? Not a virgin.”). There are plenty of other desperate geniuses in the world looking to make the next “Facebook”. All I can say is, don’t bother. The Internet is a dying entity. A fad.
I’ve got the next big thing, and it’s gonna eclipse the internet: libraries.
There are places called libraries that house thousands of books, which hold information ranging from American wars to Zoology. There is even one right on the Puget Sound campus! You name it, they probably have a book about it.
To research this unknown technology, I made a visit to the Collins Memorial Library website to see how it worked for myself, through their virtual tour.
Then I actually walked there to the actual library and asked if they had any books on Abraham Lincoln. Within five minutes I was escorted to a section of the library which held not only 16 books on President Lincoln, but books with information on all of the U.S. Presidents.
Pages and pages–not those old, dusty PDFs–actual pages beneath my fingertips! More amazing was the fact that during no part of this process did I need a wi-fi signal. Apparently the library technology is so advanced, anyone can access the information in the books without even needing an Internet signal.
Collins Memorial Library is home to many other state of the art technologies as well, ranging from cell phones that you can talk to people on (yes, cell phones you can actually TALK to people on, not just text) to toilets that you don’t have to wave your hand in front of a sensor to flush-all you have to do is push a lever.
While the internet seems like a world staple at the moment, all of these advancements are surely baby steps in the downward spiral of the Internet craze.
If someone can now get information without a wi-fi signal, then people will surely someday be able to get porn somewhere other than the Internet, which will definitely lead to its destruction.
There’s an astounding future looming ahead of us. Imagine it: everybody reading books in libraries, meeting their Internet girlfriends in person and commenting on things with their voices.
Most of you are probably thinking, “How could I ever survive without the Internet?” but just remember that Egypt didn’t have Internet for weeks, and everything went great over there.
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12 Comments
You know what? You just pissed me off. You posted a completely garbage article that has absolutely no relevance what-so-ever. Honestly, calling the internet “a fad” is as retarded as calling cars a fad. It is a technological advancement, not a “fad.” Telephones haven’t died out. Cellphones haven’t died out. It is honestly time for people to get their heads out of their butts and open their eyes. Sure, libraries have books. But not every book. Instead of waiting around for three weeks as the libraries get my requested book, how about I go on the internet and find it in three seconds? The Egyptians didn’t have the internet, and they didn’t have cars, either. Instead they had slaves so they could live their lives carefree. Maybe if they had the internet, they could have looked up the afterlife and found out that burying their friends with them doesn’t help out so much in the end. If you honestly think Egypt is so great, why don’t you just become a slave owner? Technology progresses. When the internet “dies” there will just be some other information medium that is better. The same goes for mediums of travel. In order to kill the car, we need a better vessel. Information sharing, like travel isn’t going away. It is evolving and will continue to do so. I am honestly sick of these short sighted articles.
Did you know that the combat zone is a work of fiction and satire?
Call me bill,
No reason to get upset, over a speculation from someone trying to rattle cages. This article has credentials, as intended; considering “In my opinion” you either laugh at it, or hate it immensely. In-other words, “Doom & Gloom is a dime a dozen”. Bill, “Don’t Drink the Kool-Aid.
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Mike
It is a technological advancement, not a “fad.” Telephones haven’t died out. Cellphones haven’t died out. It is honestly time for people to get their heads out of their butts and open their eyes. Sure, libraries have books. But not every book.
Um….this is a satirical article. Everything in the combat zone is fake.
I really hope this is a joke.
again….this article is a work of fiction.
Call me Bill has got it right.
First of all, let me just talk for a second, okay?
No, YOU shut up.
Okay, the internet is pretty much the greatest thing ever invented. Who cares if most of it is porn, I think the rest of it should win a gold medal. In what category? In the ternet category. Some of that porn is also pretty commendable. The internet has the power to bring people together like a concert that has a really cool band opening for an even cooler band. The internet can also break people apart like a bomb or a ‘swallow-grenade’. Don’t know what a swallow-grenade is? Why don’t you try looking it up in a precious ‘library-book’, then when you can’t find it, instead type it into google, courtesy of the internet.
Second, you probably didn’t know this, but the Egyptians were a bunch of racists. So by saying you hate the internet you are basically saying you are a huge racist who doesn’t know anything about anything and you should catch a cold and get hit by a school bus. All of those nouns are, guess what… searchable on the internet. You can also find pictures of them. Translation: Not found. GOOGLE TRANSLATION: you’re an anti-internet, anti-smart person, anti-flag goon.
Sincerely,
Lil Big Tobacco
I’m beginning to see a long-term trend here among intellectuals and people most actively and intimately involved in the internet. Zuckerberg made his millions on the internet and The Artist Formerly Known As Prince (he may be just using prince or the unpronounceable symbol…) who sold his awesome music on the internet. Both of these people have stated that the internet is on its last legs. Prince says the internet is dead and Zuckerberg says its a fad (hence shall die soon). In my honorable and proud opinion, it is about time we realized that the internet is doomed and began to move towards a post-internet age. It is upon us. To quote Nietzsche, “my time is not yet come” to give this message….I am too early. But it will happen!
How the hell did the trail get Mark Zuckerberg to write an opinion piece for them?!?
Lil Big Tobacco – this is hilarious. if you are a UPS student, you should write for combat zone. email trailheyyou@pugetsound.edu
That’s interesting and I m eagerly waiting for the new concept.
No, Zuckerberg! Internet is not a fad. It has changed a country like Egypt, Tunisia, etc.